Bloody Healthcentres

[root]

called up to make a fairly urgent appointment for tomorrow...

'sorry tomorrows appointments are all book on day only'

so whens the next urgent appointment i can get??? friday at 10 past 4....

pfff may as well just sit here and wait for my body to heal.

[wine~o]

Just make sure you are first in the queue tomorrow...assuming you don't snuff it overnight....

[joinerjohn]

Our doctors is a nightmare to try and book an appointment with. At 8:00 am you have to phone an 0845 number, wait in a queue "Your call is important to us. Our receptionist knows you are calling. Please hold (as we depend on the income from the phone calls to buy coffee and biscuits for our staff) etc"
If you manage to get through, the appointments for that day are usually all taken. You then have to wait until 8:00am the next morning to try again.
Last time I went, I could only see the practice nurse, who told me she wanted the doc to see me. I asked at reception for an appointment only to be told I had to ring up the next morning. The practice nurse happened to overhear the receptionist and overruled her straight away and I got an appointment that afternoon.
Quite why so many doctors have this useless phone in system is beyond me.

[dynamod]

The biggest problem is the Gestapo on the phones in these places. You just cannot get past them!! I was told once I couldn't see a doctor for two and a half weeks - by that time you could be needing an undertaker, not a doctor.

[root]

i know the admin staff are shocking

[thescruff]

From experience I have to completely disagree.

There's only so many 10min slots in a working day, and a percentage is kept for real emergencies.

As for grumpy receptionists, you wouldn't believe the abuse they get on a daily shift from idiots that think the quack should be sat in his den waiting for you to call and pop in for a chat.

[kellys_eye]

Someone once said that they make a doctors appointment for every day of the year and ring in to cancel everytime they don't need it. Guaranteed next-day appointment......

[root]

yeah well I can't be bothered to go now, will just wait for my hospital appointment in a few weeks time... I have stopped bleeding now anyway

[thescruff]

Leave the knife in root or it will starting bleeding again.

[joinerjohn]

Years ago , our family doctor had the receptionist of doom. You literally had to be knocking at death's door to get past her. I called in once to make an appointment to see the doc and she asked what was wrong with me. I told her that would be between me and the doc. She replied that she could look in my medical file after I'd seen the doctor and find out anyway
When she eventually retired, the local rag ran an article (without mentioning names of a doctors receptionist who'd recently retired). Mentioning that a certain doc's patients could now sleep easier at night , knowing that they didn't have to get past the aforementioned receptionist to see the doc.

[upagumtree]

AAh the doctors receptionist, why do they get the idea that they are somehow more important than the doctor, they just answer the phone and make appointments I had one ask me what was wrong with me, I told her "If I knew that love I wouldn't need to see the doctor" nosey barsts.

To be fair my local centre are really quite good

[dave.m]

This is true and happened to me last year. The local newspaper was good enough to publish it and also a very poor excuse of a reply from one of the Doctors. We changed Health Centres a couple of weeks after this, and have been very pleased with every aspect of the new Doctors and their nursing staff and receptionists.

Trying To Get An Appointment To See A GP.

Most readers will have had experience of trying to see their GP under the newer Health Centre regimes.

You spend three or four hours and twenty attempts to get to speak to a receptionist, but all you ever get is the recorded message saying that all lines are busy but your call is important to us (it's bloody important to me too.)
When you finally get through to a human the conversation goes something like this:

Receptionist, “XYZ Surgery, how may I help you?”

Me, “Good day, I would like to make an appointment to see a doctor, anyone will do.”

R, “May I ask what your problem is?”

(So you think you know more than the Doctor! Well, OK, I'll tell you what my symptoms are BUT there is no way on this earth that I can take one of your pink Post-it notes to the Pharmacy and get it made up.)

M, “I have been having lots of stomach problems recently and it got worse last night.”

R, “Well, unfortunately there are no doctors appointments available for today or tomorrow. The first one is not until next week. I can, however find you an appointment with the Practice Nurse who can examine you and then write a prescription if that will do?”

M, “What happens if it is more serious and I need to see a doctor?”

R, “Well the Practice Nurse will be able to arrange a doctor's appointment for you for later today.”

(So she can find one of those hidden, secret appointments with a doctor but you cannot. Why isn't she answering the bloody telephone then instead of you?)

That is usually as far as you get, but I can let you into a secret that will get you a doctor's appointment the same day that you phone up.

There are several words in the Medical Dictionary that get the receptionist's computer mouse working in overdrive and it will search a hundred pages of appointments and find you the first available one in seconds. These are the words that I tend to use;
Cancer, Chemotherapy, Oncology or Oncologist.
You can find your own by quoting some medical terms and seeing if it happens. If they work, then remember them and make a note by your phone so that you do not forget them
Better than just dropping the odd word into the telephone conversation, use two and even better, three of the words in one sentence. That way her computer mouse switches on the afterburner and can scan a thousand pages in microseconds.



This actually happened to me a couple of weeks ago.

I dialled the surgery number at 9-20am and was expecting the usual recorded messages but after only three, (yes THREE) rings it was answered by a receptionist. I was flabbergasted and had not even got my speech together.

R, “Good morning, XYZ Surgery, how may I help you?”

M, “Err! Oh! Sorry! Good morning, can I make an appointment to see one of the Nurse Practitioners, please?”

R, “May I ask what the problem is?”

M, “Certainly. Two days ago I had my regular Chemotherapy Check-up with my Oncologist, for my stomach cancer.”

(See, I got all three 'buzz words' into one sentence.)

M, continuing, “I explained that I was having stomach pains after meals and feeling sick and could she prescribe some of those tablets that I had been taking for the problem when she was treating me with Chemotherapy. She explained that it would probably take about six hours to get them from the hospital pharmacy and so to see my GP and ask for some. As it is only for a prescription, the nurse will be able to supply it.”

R, “ Oh, I think it would be better if you saw a doctor, can you be here in thirty minutes to see Dr. A.?”

So when I only wanted to see a Nurse I get to see a Doctor.

[thescruff]

Another one if you really need to see the quack urgently is.

Can I have your name please to give to my Solicitor, so he'll know who's arse to sue if it's more urgent than-- however many days.

[Mooncat]

A few weeks after our son was conceived, and confirmed as a boy, a neighbour congratulated me on producing a little Welshman! I've never discovered how he knew, a blabbing receptionist being the most likely culprit.