Why is someone passing so awkward 💀

Someone-Else · Post by **Someone-Else** » Wed Mar 22, 2023 4:15 pm

Having to deal with last dead parent (Other one passed many years ago)
Funeral was paid for, as was cremation, it now turns out (I did not know/think of it) that you can not just have the 1st dead parent's grave dug up to add 2nd dead parent's ashes, but you have a whole load of paperwork to do (Yes of course, it is not free)
Not that I would but you can't just spread someones ashes where you like/they wanted to go i.e. local park, and as for sea you can't just chuck them in, you have to go out on a boat x miles from the coast. I sometimes think Big Clive has the right idea "Chuck me in the bin, I won't know"

If that wasn't bad enough, you have all the solicitors wanting money, not to mention selling any property that is no longer needed, so you have the estate agents wanting their slice, and then the tax man wants to know how much you sold it for (Did ok there, well under £325K)

My point being, I suggest that although we don't talk about it (death) and when it happens you will not care (You will be dead) if you have loved ones, try now to sort things out for THEM now, so they don't have the worry of you being dead.

I suggest you make a will (I don't know what the fuss was about, have a will for last parent, but no one ever asked to see it

)
Make a list of what you do or don't want at your Funeral
Make a list of what does what in your house (You know what that tap under the sink does, but does your OH?) I recently put labels on ours.
In short make lists/instructions of what does what and even your social media accounts info.

Feel free (as you do) to add your opinion.

moderator2 · Post by **moderator2** » Wed Mar 22, 2023 5:50 pm

I have corrected your spelling in the title.

Gadget · Post by **Gadget** » Wed Mar 22, 2023 10:30 pm

moderator2 wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 5:50 pm I have corrected your spelling in the title.

Any prizes for guessing correctly what the word was?.. :dunno:

big-all · Post by **big-all** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 1:21 am

it should always be a celebration off someone's life
being morbid because someone has died is frankly immature or at least not helpful
it will happen and making others awkward with it happening helps no one
yes not nice but aim thoughts towards positive in the future helps reduce guilt at there passing and aims thoughts in a positive way forward

Neelix · Post by **Neelix** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 8:17 am

Someone-Else wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 4:15 pm
If that wasn't bad enough, you have all the solicitors wanting money, not to mention selling any property that is no longer needed, so you have the estate agents wanting their slice, and then the tax man wants to know how much you sold it for (Did ok there, well under £325K)

My point being, I suggest that although we don't talk about it (death) and when it happens you will not care (You will be dead) if you have loved ones, try now to sort things out for THEM now, so they don't have the worry of you being dead.

I suggest you make a will (I don't know what the fuss was about, have a will for last parent, but no one ever asked to see it )
Make a list of what you do or don't want at your Funeral
Make a list of what does what in your house (You know what that tap under the sink does, but does your OH?) I recently put labels on ours.
In short make lists/instructions of what does what and even your social media accounts info.

Feel free (as you do) to add your opinion.

The will - its essential to have a will - as it makes dealing with the estate and sharing it out so much simpler to enact the wishes of the person who has died.

If the executor has the will and the death certificate its pretty straight forward.

I addition to both of us having wills, I have created the "death file" for me and the misses - 1 document each for everything needed to sort out the estate so our kids could easily do the probate or pass the file to a probate company.

I had to deal with the dis organised mess of my brothers affairs 2 years ago - he had a will but the rest was just a huge discovery of finances etc

Argyll · Post by **Argyll** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 9:08 am

I'm so sorry to hear about your parents death SE. I hope you're okay? I've never experienced an immediate member of family dying. I suppose I've been lucky that way.

My parents are having someone visit their home in a few weeks to discuss Power of Attorney. I tried to set it up a few years ago but dad pulled the brakes when he realised how much it would cost (it was on special offer at half price). He didn't realise the work I put into it at the time so that pissed me off.

Now he's on his last legs he want's to start it up again.

I don't speak to any of my sisters so I won't attending. Don't want to be in the same room as them.

dewaltdisney · Post by **dewaltdisney** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 9:20 am

I did my late uncle's estate. He had left his will for Nat West to handle the estate and they were going to charge a fortune to do it. I got all three beneficiaries to appoint me as executor and Nat West had to relinquish their Executorship to me under substitution rules. I applied for probate and settled the estate which took the best part of a year. Nat West would not have achieved the net value I did after expenses, I dread to think what they would have charged for all the work it entails. Certainly having a will is important and it does not have to be all singing and dancing just ensure the basics are there naming an executor, and a progression cascade of bequests if people die before you.

DWD

dewaltdisney · Post by **dewaltdisney** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 9:27 am

You can do Power of Attorney yourself, my sister and I have done it for my mum when we realised she was slipping into dementia. It is different for me as I am close with my sister and it was easy for us to do it with my mum's agreement at the time we are so glad we did it. You have a problem Arco as your sisters might not be trusted to handle things properly once they have control and you will not have a say in the future to protect your parents so I suggest you get in there and take control. Have read through https://www.gov.uk/government/publicati ... f-attorney you need to put a bit of effort into it but we coped with it quite easily.

DWD

Bob225 · Post by **Bob225** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 10:38 am

2022 was a bad year for me - 16 deaths, 4 funerals, 11 unattended/no funeral, dying intestate is a nightmare and some solicitors are just slimy *********

LPA and wills are a must, don't put off getting them setup

Dealt with a lot of deaths in the last 20 years - all part of life

Someone-Else · Post by **Someone-Else** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 9:58 pm

Argyll wrote: ↑Thu Mar 23, 2023 9:08 amI'm so sorry to hear about your parents death SE.

Thank you Argyll

Someone-Else · Post by **Someone-Else** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 9:59 pm

Bob225 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 23, 2023 10:38 am2022 was a bad year for me - 16 deaths, 4 funerals,

That's terrible.

Someone-Else · Post by **Someone-Else** » Thu Mar 23, 2023 10:09 pm

I have to also say, yes if you can / have the opportunity to get power of attorney, do so, it will save a lot of grief.

A tip I would like to pass on.
When the person dies, and you are registering the death, ask for 3 death certificates, it should only cost a couple of £ more if you ask at the time, or it will be something like £10+ admin + grief later each cert.

I did it because I thought I should, just as well, as most places (banks, utilities etc) want to see the original death certificate, its all very well until they dont send it back as quick as you hope, so you can send one to company A and another to company B, they will not accept a scan/photo copy, having 3 saved me time and grief. (if you are wondering as they are all issued by the DB&M place they are all legit, but have their own serial number, and all registered to the deceased)

wine~o · Post by **wine~o** » Mon Mar 27, 2023 3:48 pm

Someone-Else wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 4:15 pm Funeral was paid for, as was cremation, it now turns out (I did not know/think of it) that you can not just have the 1st dead parent's grave dug up to add 2nd dead parent's ashes, but you have a whole load of paperwork to do (Yes of course, it is not free)

Had exactly that, Dad died in 1971, Mum bought the plot (you could also lease it) Mum then passed away 2 years ago, approached local council... needed permission from the plot owner or all the children had to agree who would be the new owner form after form... then solicitiors fee on top because in law it's like a property purchase.

Someone-Else wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 4:15 pm I sometimes think Big Clive has the right idea "Chuck me in the bin, I won't know"

Funnily enough I was having a coversation with a friend just the other day, the conclusion we reached was that "a good send off/wake" was nothing to do with the deceased, rather so that those left behind would feel better about having done the "best" for their loved one.

Incidentally this is where we had Mum cremated https://www.tapperfuneralservice.co.uk/ ... emony-hall Much nicer than the local crematorium and you get a minimum 2 hour slot.

Mum left written instructions for hymns etc. for her funeral, so I went with her wishes. One sister was fine with that, the other had her own ideas "Oh but mike, her favourite hymn was 'abide with me' " It wasn't on the list I told her again and again. In the end I just had that playing at the beginning as we went in.

Someone-Else · Post by **Someone-Else** » Mon Mar 27, 2023 4:43 pm

That looks a lovely place, somewhere you would want to go to see/visit the passed person.

The bad thing is you and I are getting to the age where we should start to think about what we would like to happen when we are gone, I really am starting to think the bin is a good idea.

wine~o · Post by **wine~o** » Mon Mar 27, 2023 4:59 pm

Someone-Else wrote: ↑Mon Mar 27, 2023 4:43 pm The bad thing is you and I are getting to the age where we should start to think about what we would like to happen when we are gone

I must admit my health is not as good as it should be at my age. Not at all worried about what happens to me when I die, I do worry about the Mrs. though.(I've tried her cooking)